Fear and Control in Families
Lisa Turkhurst, author of Making Peace with What I Can’t Control, discusses how deep‑seated fears—rejection, abandonment, loss, and emotional suffering—can lead parents to over‑control their children and spouses. These fears often stem from childhood wounds that shape how we interpret present situations.
Stories of Control and Release
- Leah’s story: After her father’s brain cancer, Leah’s anxiety about her children’s health turned into a compulsive need to prevent illness. Turkhurst asked her whether she was trying to keep her kids healthy or prevent cancer, helping her see the line between responsible care and impossible control.
- The mountain coaster: Turkhurst describes a ride where she was strapped to the front of a fast‑moving car. Realizing she could not stop the descent, she surrendered to the momentum, using the experience as a metaphor for surrendering to God’s plan.
- The airplane Bible: Turkhurst recounts giving a treasured Bible to a stranger on a flight. The story follows the stranger’s spiritual journey, culminating in the Bible’s return decades later, illustrating that what we release into God’s hands never truly leaves Him.
Surrendering What Is Beyond Our Control
Turkhurst emphasizes that surrender is an active decision to let God take the reins while we do our part. She outlines three practical steps:
- Identify what is truly yours to carry.
- Ask God to guide the rest.
- Let go of the urge to fix every outcome.
Applying the Principle in Family Life
In conversation with host Jim Daly, Turkhurst explores how the fear‑control dynamic plays out in marriage and parenting. She suggests:
- Set healthy boundaries that allow children to experience failure and learn resilience.
- Recognize when “helping” turns into rescuing, which can backfire.
- Maintain open communication and express love without imposing outcomes.
By shifting from a culture of control to one of trust and faith, families can experience peace and deeper trust in God’s providence.